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Stock Market Jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Tropo, 16th Apr, 2008.

  1. Tropo

    Tropo Well-Known Member

    17th Aug, 2005
    Stock Market Jokes

    The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night.
    I woke up every hour and cried.

    What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock?
    In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool.
    In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

    A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

    A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

    It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

    A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!

    I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife.
    "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

    Momentum Investing:
    The fine art of buying high and selling low.
    Value Investing: The art of buying low and selling lower

    Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
    A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

    Definition of Bear Market
    How do you define Bear Market?

    9 to 10 month period, during which
    children don't get any pocket money,
    wife doesn't get any jewellery,
    and husband doesn't get any sex!

    The Pessimist sees the glass as half empty.
    The Optimist sees the glass half full.
    The Trader JUST ADDS WHISHKY...
  2. islandgirl

    islandgirl Well-Known Member

    18th Sep, 2006
    Middle of beautiful Moreton Bay, Qld
    Stockbroker or Frog

    Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
    One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"

    The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"

    Q. How did all the daytraders manage to fit under the limbo bar at their party?
    A. They had all gone short.